Mind the Gap

I live in Oxford so I would not blame you if you thought that poverty is not something as obvious in one of the most affluent cities in the United Kingdom. But it is here more than ever that I feel the Gap between the rich and poor, and it is here more than any other place in the world that I have been to that this massive discrepancy leaves a rotten taste in your mouth.  Among the streets of this ancient city walk the children of millionaires and billionaires, sharing the walkway with rich Asian tourists and future oligarchs, as well as countless regular folk that go about their regular business. The streets of Oxford are clean, and contain a 1000 years of history. Intelligent men and women rush about, and at night during ball season the city is awash with colour and glamour. 

Yet Oxford with its walls of blond stone hides a deep secret. Amongst its thick walls and on its cute cobbled streets in front of the shiny windows of expensive boutiques sit huddled under damp duvets the homeless. A class of individual that we rarely acknowledge, who’s hand we shrug off when they extend it our way asking if we can spare some change. We look down upon this person who has hit rock bottom and is digging even further down. We excuse our own callousness with thoughts such as “they are a druggy or an alcoholic”. More often than not we are not wrong, some are people with deep social problems of drug and alcohol abuse, but some are just people that have lost control of their lives.

 As you all may know I am Bulgarian, and my country is hands down the poorest one in the EU. Beggars are everywhere, they have quite literally become part of the scenery in my mother land and people don't just ignore them, they actively loath them. They look at them with spite and unveiled hatred as these men, women and children walk, hobble, craw, and drag themselves over to ask for change and help. Many are part of gangs that use and abuse young children and women for profit through begging. But not all of these people are corrupt and trying to steal our hard earned money. We have one of the highest percentages of pensioners that are literally starving and freezing to death and who are forced to go out and beg.  It will not be an uncommon site to have a little old lady, doubled over by age and 50 years of serving the old socialist state, who’s pension is so miserable that she is selling packet of tissues at a bus stop in the desperate hope that she will be able to buy a loaf of bread with her earnings. The response to her is nothing, total oblivion to her existence. Her goods will only be sold to those in desperate need of a tissue and only at that time will her existence be acknowledges by anyone, for the briefest of moments and with total lack of empathy or emotion. A coin or two will be thrown at her, she wont see a smile, and may by some miracle hear a mumbled thank you. After some number this type cold encounter her desperate state of affairs will soon come to a miserable and undignified end, which  will be recorded in a death register somewhere, she will not be missed, her life will be forgotten. Does this all sound bleak to you? A bit dark for a Friday night isn't it?

This darkness is a place where countless number of people live in every day. We don’t just ignore them, we label them with names such as drug addicts and alcoholics, and God knows what else. Partly because some – never all – are such things, but that is never all that they are. Partly to hide our own feeling of guilt for being better of. We actively hate these people, we judge them for the choices they have made in life without knowing what those choices really were. We never ask ourselves, what if they weren't given a choice? What if they were born in a family that wasn't caring, were abused by people that should have protected them, were failed by their teachers who were too busy meeting government targets to notice the systematic destruction of this persons. What if they were in this place begging and homeless because it was the smaller of two evils?  Who are we to judge without the knowledge of who they were and are?!

The saddest part is that giving this person a pound or two will have no effect on their destitution, and is likely to only help sustain any drug or alcohol abuse that is holding them there. The solution is one that requires the empathy of an entire nation, a deep change in society that steps away from shallow consumerism, instant gratification and short term planning.  A change to a society that celebrates and supports both the individual and the community they live in. That supports family values  by allowing mom and dad to spend a bit less time in the office and a bit more time with their children. That objectifies both men and women less. Where school isn't all about the next test but is about teaching young people to communicate, gives them confidence and self worth, as well as skills that are vocational –  boiling an egg and washing a dish is a good start if some of the young people I know are anything to go by!

I know I am preaching, but I am not really asking much, all I would like is next time you walk past a homeless person, even if you don't want to give them money, give them a thought and if you want a smile and a “sorry”. Especially now in winter, because you are going home to warm bed and a cup of tea, they are sleeping on a step in negative Celsius temperatures. Kindness goes a long way and doesn't cost you anything.


If you want to help lower homelessness please get involved here: http://www.crisis.org.uk/

Good Night     

My family, my Heroes

I haven’t written one of these in a while, I could make excuses but the simple truth is that I couldn't finish a single post. Politics is all the same lies and manipulation, human rights are trampled regardless of how indignant I might feel about it, and life keeps ticking over with people focusing on their own stuff and trying to feel their way blindly through a maze of social protocols and expectations that would take the rest of my life to analyse and work on, so those stay as work in progress. With the holidays coming up though I have been thinking of my family a lot, I live 1646 miles or 2648 kilometers away from them (according to google), that is a 26h drive or a 3h flight, I see them twice a year for a week if I am lucky. This is my opportunity to share with the world why my family is amazing, why I am so lucky to have them, and how they have made me who I am today.

I am going to start with my Grandma or nana, her name is Nadejda (meaning Hope), she is 79 and one of the toughest people I know, she makes the best cakes in the world. Ever since I can remember my nana has been teaching me to cook, knit, crochet, and how to be stubborn. She has taught me the importance of always having something in case you have guests and to always treat your guests like kings. She has passed on to me her love for food and for spoiling people rotten with it. Despite her short temper and peppery tongue I love her dearly and there is nothing like walking through the door straight into her arms.

THAT Smile that we all love!

My Brother Alex, wow where do I begin. He was the sweetest most lovely little boy, always smiling, always drawing or building things. He has these big brown eyes that are so kind, but sparkle with such humour and combined with his cheeky smile people must instantly fall in love with him. He has the biggest heart, and is the most selfless man I know. If a friend of his ever needs anything Alex will give it to him, not lend, not let them borrow but give.

He has the BEST sense of humour in a human being, he tells jokes with such flare and perfect timing, being ever so slightly sarcastic and ironic in his delivery. He loves nature in an honest way.

My Brother Alex

I have not been the greatest sister, for most of his life I haven’t really been there because I live so far away, or if we were in the same place because I was too young, self absorbed and stupid to realise what a great friend I had right there next to me. Despite all the bad sister stuff that I have done - which he rightfully teases me about - I know that he always has my back and that is I was ever in need he would be there for me.

Finally my beautiful mom, Bibbi, my best friend and my soul mate.

She is a bookaholic, and its where I get my love for the written word from, she reads EVERYTHING, the day my mom stops ready is the day my world will crumble or the day we stop publishing books. She is a geek too! She reads all the techno pages and knows more about the technological trends that most young people I know, she has been reading e-books for well over 10 years so the Amazon’s Kindle wasn’t the revolutionary bit of kit in her eyes that some of us see it as. Another thing my mom has given me is my love for blankets and pyjamas! There is nothing better than being curled in on the sofa in my jimjams with my mom two books a blanket and when I was little hot chocolate, now that i am grown up its beer or wine but it serves the same purpose, reading and cuddling is thirsty work people!   

Me and my mom at my graduation 2009She is my brother’s and my biggest fan, but as our mom she has little choice in the matter. She has given me the confidence to pursue my dreams, to get up when I all I want to do is lay down. She has so much strength and beauty in her and she doesn’t even know it. Her faith in me has remained unshaken even through my most stupid decisions, and in my darkest hour she is the light that leads me back to life. She has taught me that honesty is the only way, she has always reminded me to be empathetic to other people’s problems, to be polite, considerate, and open to the difference in people. She calls me on all my bullsh*t and reminds me to look after myself. Her love has always been around me to keep me safe.  

My dear family, thank you for being who you are, for your love and your support! And to anyone that has bothered to read this far, go tell your family how much you love them, I promise you it will be the best thing you did this week!

The Arrogance of the British Media - A reflection of Western Society

Malala Yousafzai - Victim of the Taliban because she dares to speak up

I was watching the news this evening, and  a particular 
item caught my eye. It is regarding the attack on a 14 year old Pakistani girl called Malala Yousafzai. The girl was shot and badly injured by the Taliban in her village in the valley Swat because she campaigned for the right of girls in to go to school. While this story is horrific in its own right it is not what made an impression on me. Sadly stories of children being the victims of adult wars has become a common news item. What I noticed was the interview done by Cathy Newman of Channel 4 news with former Pakistani High Commissioner for the UK Dr. Maliha Lodhi. In this interview and the report before the interview Channel 4 through the catalyst that is Cathy Newman made a statement that Pakistan is failing in its attempts of getting rid of the Taliban. The suggestion being that the Pakistani government and Military are unable and/or unwilling to get rid of the Taliban threat that “lurks” around the edges of Pakistani society. This struck me as incredibly arrogant and short sighted for reasons that I am about to list, but before I launch into that I would like to point out that I have absolutely nothing against Cathy Newman or her work as a journalist, in fact she along with everyone involved t Channel 4 News are my favourite news team. After all during my time at Brookes Jon Snow was my Chancellor, but to get back to my issue with the statements upon Pakistan’s inability to rid themselves of the Taliban plague.

First and foremost Pakistan is a large country with exceptionally complicated politics, history and geography, containing countless ethnic and religious groups and subgroups. The difficult terrain combined with the complicated allegiances and political instability that such diversity creates produces a perfect petri dish for the growth and multiplication of Taliban terrorists as well as a countless number of place for them to hide and operate out of. The rules of engagement with organisations like the Taliban are not based on conventional warfare, even to my untrained eye it becomes obvious that the Taliban operate a strike and retreat tactics, hiding amongst the population and exploiting every opportunity to cause the maximum amount of damage. No government in the world would be able to fully eradicate such a threat while the fundamental belief that fuels it exists.

My second objection is to the implication that the West is doing a better job when in fact Britain and America have done no better in eliminating the Taliban threat from Afghanistan, and worse they have only fueled and spread that threat further into Pakistan, Iran, Iraq and and Africa. If we are so much better at policing, and our armies are so much better at doing their job why is it that we are incapable of even maintaining decent patrols around our own military basis in these countries and we are losing more and more army personnel every day to suicide bombers and roadside bombs?  What right does it give us to judge a government such as Pakistan when we have achieved nothing but the fueling of hate in our feeble attempts to eradicate terrorism. 

Finally, if the Western world has such superiority on policing and crime management why is it that countries such as Spain and Ireland continue to live in fear and suffer from their own home grown terrorist threats? Do we not on a daily basis turn on our TVs, open our news websites [no one reads papers any more] and see nothing but murder, rape, mayhem and devastation within our own societies. How dare we assume that because we are richer we are more successful in anything? The only thing the West has any true success in is the continued and malicious exploitation of the weaker nations in the world for our own advancement.  


I would like to finish on the following point, one that I have made several times to several people this week.The news, especially the news do not reflect ordinary everyday life, they document and report on extraordinary occurrences that stand out because of their usually shocking and violent nature. Furthermore broadcasters such as Channel 4 gain popularity and success because of the sensationalization of the stories they portray through their news services; they do not give us facts, they give us a point of view on an event that has taken place based on the political leaning of the producers and owners of the TV station. While it is entertaining to watch Jon Snow tell the Prime Minister off over his old person’s railcard, it is wrong and morally questionable to gauge the success or failure of a nation’s infrastructure, be it political, educational, police or otherwise on a single occurrence, or even on a chain of occurrences. I am not saying that Pakistan has a perfect police force and that this was a freak accident on the contrary they have a long way to go, but it is not up to us to judge their success or failures, it is up to the Pakistani citizens and voters. Attacks of this sort happen daily in Pakistan, people die at a frightening rate, yet somehow we only hear about this one case because the girl was already extremely popular due to her courage and ambition.

My thoughts go out to her in the hope that she will recover quickly and be able to return to her family and ambitions. My thoughts also go out to the countless number of ignorant fools who believe they are better than her country men just because they were born in the West and are “protected” by our police force.  

Value

Everything in this world is for sale. The very substances that keep us alive are no longer just basic necessities for survival, they are commodities; to be traded, speculated upon and priced depending on the going rate of the market. Yet no one stops to truly question that. We complain that the value is too high that we cannot afford to expend that much on something, we call it unfair, yet we do not stop to consider the system that is at the centre of any of this.

I have spent a huge amount of time over the last 5-6 months thinking of value. I have just finished my dissertation which attempts at an analysis of a Conservation Convention in rhetoric and practice and the one thing that I always came across was that for something to be considered worth conserving it had to have a value. Not just any value as well, a monetary value. The politicians needed to be able to calculate how much saving a particular plant or animal would costs them. The NGOs also worked on a monetary basis, for them the tiger, the panda the rainforest were priceless therefore the little bit of money that they were asking of you was nothing in comparison to the pricelessness of the subject of their rescue.

So what is value? How do we measure it? I honestly do not know, the Oxford Dictionary defines value as:

• 1 [mass noun] the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something:your support is of great value
• the material or monetary worth of something:prints seldom rise in value[count noun]:equipment is included up to a total value of £500
• the worth of something compared to the price paid or asked for it:at £12.50 the book is good value[count noun]: North American: the wine represents a good value for $17.95#

That is all great but how do we decide that something is of importance and that the value we have awarded it is not too high or low? Value is a social concept, an idea, it does not exist outside the socio-economic and cultural boundaries of society, a dog does not understands the idea of value. In non-human nature the closest we can get to value is the amount of energy and nutrients that are required to grow and perhaps the amount of entropy that produces. Therefore the fact that my popping corn has gone from 86p to £1.32 in the space of 6 months has nothing to do with the amount of water, or sun or soil that has gone into growing that corn. It has everything to do however with the economic system that has grown that corn for my consumption. It has everything to do with growing oil prices, which make harvesting, production and transportation costs higher, growing costs of fertilisers as the potash and other nitrogen based fertilisers used for the growth of many grains soars due to depleting reserves and the growing difficulty of extracting them from deeper into the ground.

In fact I am sure that anyone that does any food shopping has noticed their bills increasing at a rapid rate. Now usually logic dictates that if the price has gone up that is because supply cannot meet demand, the commodity in question is in shortage and therefore the price has gone up; Here are some ‘values’ however that shows that this is not true:  the UK alone throws out 6.7 million tons of food a year. That is 6.7 million tons of surplus food, in a world full of over 1 billion starving people and another billion seriously malnourished.  6.7 million tons of food in a nation of 60 million, a nation with a growing obesity crisis AND growing unemployment AND shrinking salaries. That 6.7 million tons is a unit of value which can measure the amount of gluttony, ignorance, self-indulgence and apathy necessary to throw away 6.7m tons of food. We obviously do not know the value of food beyond the price tag at the supermarket. 

This world where value is a social construct we value the wrong things. The media has spent countless tons of paper and ink on printing pictures of famous people going about their day, walking their dogs, buying stuff, walking down red carpets promoting useless faff created for our entertainment consumption. We value our celebrities. There is the new iPhone 5 which by the way is just a thinner taller iPhone 4s that trendy image obsessed fuckwits will buy in its millions further lining the pocket of one of the most hypocritical companies out there. We value our fashion image. 

Before you accuse me of hypocrisy however here is what I value. I have a Samsung Galaxy SII, an HP mini, a Kindle, and a Nintendo DS; I shop at waitrose and read the Environment section of the Guardian [the rest of that hippy paper annoys the hell out of me]. I am fully aware that I am a self righteous liberal dushbag. The thing is while I love my gadgets I know I essentially don’t need them. They are luxuries that I enjoy, however all but my phone have been generous gifts, what I value is not the items themselves but the people that gave them to me. My wonderful friends whom I love dearly and without whom I would have no value at all. I value the moments of beauty and joy that I am able to save with my phone’s camera. I value the free voice conversations with my family who are 2000km away that I can only have because of my laptop, I value the vast library that I can put in my pocket and carry everywhere because of my Kindle. So to all your out there value is what you make of it, don’t value the wrong things.    

To my mom - Happy Birthday!

A happy memory with my brother
and mom!

My dear sweet wonderful Mother, Happy Birthday!


On your special day I want to say not just a happy birthday but a big thank you. All my life you have always been there for me, supported me in all my decisions, good and bad. You know when to simply listen and when to give advice, you even know when it is a bad time to say “I told you so!” 


Through all the hard time, through all the heartache, real and imagined you have been my best friend, my confidant, my shoulder to cry on. Thank you! 




Through all the good times, you have laughed with me, celebrating my achievements as though your own, giving me the strength and confidence to continue with all my endeavors. Yours unshakable belief and faith in me has reassured me every step of the way!

I am so proud and blessed to have you! Enjoy your special day! 
I love you, I miss you!

Do I want a career?

I work hard, I have indeed worked hard for a while now, however I work hard because I want things. These days though I am told that one of those things I want is to work even harder and have a successful career.

Career is defined as the progression and success within one’s professional life/occupation requiring special skills and training. Trust me when I say I have plenty of training in certain areas! But why would I want professional success? I bet many of you think it is a stupid question! Having a successful career ensures that I can live well, enjoy the luxuries of life, but more importantly provide for and support my family. I can ensure that my children go to a good school and in turn get the special skills and training to have a career of their own.

Here is the problem though, a career requires an enormous amount of dedication, of both time, effort and energy as well as a gargantuan sacrifice in your personal and social life. Women are expected to strive towards a career just as much as men, it is the benefit of emancipation (or so we are told). Since the Suffragettes and before women alone or together have been fighting for equal rights, pay, and opportunity. Well we are closer now than we were before, in the west at least.

Moving on with the problem...

From an economic and professional point of view having a career is the way forward. From a purely sociological point of view it is a disaster. Imagine this:

A couple get married, both successful professionals, both would like to have a child. Now which one of them to have this child though? Oh no wait, only the woman can have the child, which would mean a career break. I am not saying that a woman cannot have a child AND a career, there are successful career mothers out there, but lets face it they are few and far between in comparison to men in successful job posts. Childbirth is only but a  fraction of that issue, I am aware. This brings me onto my next question. Who raises the children? Mom and Dad are too busy being successful...so our children are raised in the following logic/social environment :

TV - a bunch of half witted fools pump our children’s heads with happy songs about sugary food and drink and plastic toys that they MUST have. Mom and Dad will buy those due to the guilt they experience from not spending time with their children.

Books - replaced by the TV because mom and dad are too busy/ignorant to read to their children and familiarise them with the stories of their own childhood, which were not just entertaining but contain within them ethical and moral lessons about how to function in society so as not to be labeled a sociopath.

Vacations - Gimmicky theme parks full of more merchandise that mom and dad are taking the kids to because they are guilt ridden with the fact that they rarely spent any time with their kids whatsoever. See a theme anyone?

Education - a monotone, drone, one size fits all affair that dulls the brain and attempts to destroy any ability for creative or individual thought. It also can cost a pretty penny if you want it done in institutions that EXCEL in turning your child into a brainless toffyy nosed moron that will get into Harvard, Oxford or Yale and become the career man you dream him to be. (He may also enjoy wearing peoples ears as a necklace due to the lack of any real parental attention, but hey you have a successful career, it comes with a price!)

Future - Dull and uninspiring, possibly littered with some kind of substance abuse due to a lack of real belonging, and a constant need for validation. BUT they will be a successful career person...

Do I want a career? No, categorically not! I want a life, one full of my children’s faces and laughter. One spent growing old with my husband. A life where I have shared my friends’ happiness and they have shared mine. A want to be a successful human being, NOT a successful career person.

Vulnerable and Strong

I confess, that big stupid grin on my face is fake about 80% of the time. My friends, my real friends, they know it, they know of all the troubles that keep me awake at night. This is more a show of gratitude to them than for me. The last three years have been hard and challenging, but a few people in my life have been there every step of the way. They have seen me in my most vulnerable and broken state and given me the strength to get up and finish what I have started, to achieve my goals, and pursue my dreams.

Many believe that being vulnerable is a weakness; showing vulnerability only opens you up for deep pain and loss. I disagree. It is knowing who you can be vulnerable around, trusting them to take care of you at your most fragile and bring you back to your normal self. It is a lesson I have only learned recently and it has rewarded me with the confirmation that the people I love the strongest care about me in return.

You can gain strength from your weakest moments, but only if you allow the people you love and trust to be there and experience them with you. And if you ever find yourself with a friend that needs your support do not let them down, do not think of yourself at such moments, of the inconvenience it may cause, or the things you might miss out on.

This may seem very cheesy to you, but I am having one of my more empathic moments.It was brought on by a friend who in turn is having a very hard time. I feel powerless to help them in ways that would take their pain and troubles away. All I can do is be there and hope that it is enough.  

So to all my friends, you know who you are, I love you, I am there for you and I thank you!

[Especially you mom!]