Monday, 28 March 2016

A Weekend of Firsts

 This Easter weekend I did a couple of things for the first time, they were both big in my eyes but both for different reasons. As part of my “walk myself happy” campaign I went to Wales with a friend to have little, yes you guest it, walk. It turned into a mini adventure and we ended up walking just over 35km! We picked a part of Offa’s Dyke as our  walk, started at 6.30ish and had a super pleasant drive in the sun. The weather gods decided they were gonna smile on us all day and we had sun for 90% of the time.

Offa’s Dyke is a manmade earthwork that sort of follows the English-Welsh border. It is named after a Mercia kind called Offa who historians believe is the one that ordered it to be build in the 8th century. Offa’s Dyke path is a 177 mile trail that goes from the bay of Liverpool to the Severn estuary. It traverses through diverse terrain and countryside. If you are interested in walking any part of the Dyke or want to explore other parts and activities in Wales the Visit Wales website has great maps and detailed suggestions depending on the length and difficulty of the walk or type of activity that you are looking for. We picked Pandy to Hey-on-Wey - an 18 mile straight line walk - as our treck for the day as it goes along the ridge of Hatterrall hill as it afforded great views and gave us some steep climbing to do. Getting up the hill to the Dyke is a challenge, if like me you are unfit, so I have to say thank you to my walking buddy for the patience and slow pace. Once on top of the ridge however all the aching, panting and thunderous heartbeating is quickly forgotten as you get swallowed by the immense landscape.

We had a patchwork quilt of farmland on our right, a valley on the left and then a second ridge and the black mountains beyond. I know I wasn’t high up, the highest part of the hill being 530 meters and yet I felt on top of the world. To add to the idyllic picture there were animals everywhere, as the area is shared commons. We walked amongst mostly sheep and ponies, but there was the occasional cow here and there.

The morning went by in a flash under a warm sun, walking past other hikers of all ages, sizes and abilities, each of them smiling and saying a hello. At lunchtime we had some food and decided we should turn back, we had gone a good way by now, it looked like just about 2/3rds of the way to Hay-On-Wey. Instead of going back the way we came however we came down from the ridge into the valley below and smack right into the middle of lambing season! The fields were alive with the sound of baahing and little baby lambs jumping all around. Some were so young they were still unsure on their feet.

As we made our way back east we got to Llanthony Priory, a 12th century Augustinian priory that is partly in ruin, the parts of it still habitable now turned into a hotel/Inn. The site is incredibly beautiful, the arches of the Priory standing dark against the bright green landscape. It is certainly a must see, and a very pleasant spot for a picnic. Therefore, sitting on one of the walls we had our second rest, which by this point, a good 20km in was very needed, for me at least. The sun was beautifully warm and if we didn’t have as long left to go I would have probably stayed there much longer.

We didn’t have a particular route that we were following at this point so we strayed a little, and Google maps is shite and totally useless when you are in the deepest darkest Welsh countryside where mobile phones are still very much a thing of the future. Eventually we made it back to Pandy and the car rather tired but on my part at least extremely pleased, self satisfied and proud.   

The next day I was a little stiff, my toes were a bit tender and I was very tired, a two miles stroll from the city centre felt more like 200 miles but I was content. My reward for my hike was the second thing I tried for the first time this weekend, a Baby Ruth! I had seen them in the shop’s foreign isle for a while, I have always wanted one ever since the first time I saw the Goonies. If you love the Goonies as much as I do you will know why trying a Baby Ruth for the first time is worth mentioning. I am pleased to say I liked it and I ticked an item off my bucket list. I agree with you, I have a somewhat strange bucket list…!  

I won’t lie, the walk wasn’t easy. I had aches and pains everywhere, my lungs felt like someone had shredded them to bits by the end. My hips hurt, which was depressing because I am not 80, my empty rucksack got heavy, my back turned into a bit of a comma. If day one after the walk I was a little stiff, then day two I was like one of those lambs, getting up for the first time! None of that mattered, I still had a smile on my face, I felt exhilarated, content, alive. I would have kept walking, I will keep walking! And I will get more and more of you to join me!         

Oh and one last thing...I didn’t fall over!!!!

Monday, 14 March 2016

No More Excuses

We all have moments where we struggle, with our job, with our life, with a partner, with loss or the boss. During those moments things seem helpless and focusing on the positive side of life and the positive events in your life is impossible. Usually there is some sort of conduit, an event or a person or two that will help you through it; sometimes in combination with the healing hand of time.But always get through it you should.

There have been a couple of people in my life over the last 6 months that have inspired me and that have woken me up from a dark moment and brought me back to life, in parts gradually and in parts suddenly and jarringly. I am guessing that they will probably feel rather uncomfortable so I won’t mention them by name but I hope that if they read this they will a) know who they are and b) understand even on a small scale the good that they have brought into my life, the change, and the drive, the thirst to discover new things. I also hope that they  know that I will be eternally grateful and I hope that they will be a part of my life in some way or another for as long as I draw breath. But to get to the point and explain where I was before they came and shocked me into life and why I feel I need to write and share this.
For those of you who know me you will know that I am a rather vocal person - yes yes I can be bloody loud - I am also honest and rather shameless. I openly talk about things that make people cringe, like my sex life (or lack thereof), painful experiences, (emotionally) abusive boyfriends and so on. Many think that I am a perfectly happy and rather (un)balanced individual with the occasional down moment, what many of you don’t know is that I had very literally given up on life last year, and that I have not been a perfectly happy person in years.  

2015 was a particularly horrible year for me, I had lost all hope, all desire to do anything with my life and had resigned myself to mediocrity and growing older either alone or with someone that will just do. There was no aspect of my life that I was happy with. I felt like I am worthless, incapable and on the whole a waste of space. There are particular reasons for me feeling like this however I do not wish to dwell on those and think about them too much. Suffice to say that a lot of negative things happening at once can bring anyone down.

I think my mother was the only person that knew just how unhappy I was and silently and stoically worried about me while waiting for me to figure all this shit out. As is usually the case when I am deeply unhappy I gained weight because let’s face it there is nothing more comforting than a box or two of chocolate eclairs followed by a cheese cake or/and a pint of ice cream....yes mom that was what I ate, and yes, I am deeply ashamed. That however doesn’t help one’s confidence when it is already in the gutter, and mine was six feet under. In all honesty it is still tryingto dig itself out right now.

When 2016 started with the shocking realisation that I was going to be losing my best friend, soul mate and sister to distance and serious time difference because she moved to Dhaka I experienced a quite serious moment of total dislocation. I honestly didn’t feel a thing for a moment and that was followed by very serious pain and then by an epiphany that I briefly mentioned in a previous post: Life is literally walking right by me and showing me a middle finger and laughing and I have a choice, grab it by that finger and take a ride or watch it walk away. I think I had pretty much chosen the watching it walk away part when the people mentioned above separately and yet together metaphorically slapped some sense into me.

Between them I understood the following:

  1. I had allowed assholes to bring me down to my knees - In different moments and different circumstances over the past year I had allowed people who barely deserve the title of “human” to make me feel worthless. I had believed a continuous and sustained attack on my skills, values, and character and I began to accept them as true. This had to stop and I had to accept who I was and learn to love me again. 

  2. I was making excuses for why I couldn’t do things - This is taking the easy way out. It is very easy to say I can’t do this because: I have no money, I am too old, I am not fit get the picture. The thing is, all of those things are easily changed. Money can be saved, age really is a number unless you have an age related illness in which case it is still an excuse. I mean look at all the 90 year old people running marathons! And getting fit is simple, get off my fat ass!   

  3. I was not old - that one I figured out by reading “Into Thin Air” (I also figured out just how fragile life can be and how cruel, that book is devastating but you should all read it anyway! Thanks for the recommendation person who is not named)  - if 56 year old men can climb Everest then I can bloody well do anything that I want and I have a good 30-40 years to do it in! I can even have kids and still do stuff because guess what, kids have legs and also need to be entertained, plus it is good for them to see the world!  

  4. I was not going to die alone - This is a genuine fear of mine. I unfortunately do not have many good examples of lasting relationships, and mine haven’t really been all that great, partly because of me no doubt! So the idea that I will find someone to share my life with is not one that I have a lot of confidence in. However I have the most amazing friends and family and I know they will be there with me till the end. Plus, I am clever, I cook damn well, I am funny (Aysha says so!) and am loyal so that’s gotta count for something no doubt!   

  5. There is always someone to help - Said friends and family will pull me out of any hole I am in, and if they can’t they will come down and sit in that hole with me until I am ready to pull myself out. They will not judge, they will not say I told you so. I would like to say thanks to mom especially on this one because she has DAILY opportunities to say “I told you so” and still hasn’t! She has been there through the hardest time and has made me smile.

The result of the above epiphany? I am on my way to being healthy and fit, I have started writing again - case in point - I have a food Blog that people from all over the world seem to want to read, I have travel plans, and my friends are even more amazing every day.  2016 rocks so far, and 2017 will be even better - especially if someone decides to sponsor me for being me so I can do all those amazing things I have planned!

So watch this space because I am going to bombard you with proof of why you should NEVER make excuses of why you can’t do things and go places and try and try and try. You will fail from time to time, but that is fine because you would have failed trying! 

Love you all!